Posted in #teamhadley, Beating Hemiplegic Migraine, Chronic Migraine, Daily Migraine, Dystonia, Health Blog, Hemiplegic Migraine, Hemiplegic Migraine Research Study, HM, Just Keep Keepin On, MU Health Care, port, Seizures, SHM, Sporadic Hemiplegic Migraine, Today I Win, Uncategorized, University of Missouri Health Care, writer's block

nine.twenty-eight. twenty-sixteen.

Friends! I’ve missed you all! I’ve been absent for three months and some change, at this point. That’s practically years in blogging time. I feel terribly about it. Now, that doesn’t mean it has been months, or even weeks, since I last worked on a post. For me, and others passionate about writing, I cannot publicly publish a piece that I’m not happy with. It’s the very same as an artist being unwilling to turn in an incomplete piece of work. When writing there isn’t some formula you can follow that creates a “correct” post in the end, no one else can help make the words flow just right. Writing is a creative process and again, like artists, sometimes a wall gets built up that keeps your creativity from flowing. Writing is also an emotional process. No matter if you’re writing something fictional and having to give a person built only with words an entire personality, or if you’re writing something very real that is putting raw depictions out for all to read. Behind each piece, within each piece, lies so much emotion.

So, this is where I stand; I sit down at my computer at least once a week adding to, or creating a completely new piece, I don’t like how it comes together or feel as if anyone reading it could feel that my heart isn’t in it, I collect ideas that others give me and try so hard to write something within the realm of their brainstorm, I send pieces to my closest friends or other bloggers asking their opinions, I set a deadline for myself, I get frustrated, slam my computer shut, miss the deadline, and feel even more frustrated. I’ve come to realize the amount of pressure I feel to get a post out every so often. But why? No one has ever pressured me to write these blogs, no one has given me negative input. I’ve never felt this pressure before, because the source of this tension is me.

At first I was okay with taking a mini break, I knew my mind needed it. It can be so hard to talk about the bad days and the ugly details. When I share those with you guys it means I have to, kind of, go through them again. Though I may not be physically going through each attack or situation again, emotionally I have to in order to share the truth. That in turn means I feel the mental exhaustion all over again, on top of the current, steady, mental and physical exhaustion I always carry. Again, no one asked me to do this to myself. No one asked me to continuously share my life so vividly through this outlet. I do it, and will continue to do so, because I love the support, interest, knowledge and relationships that have sparked from this platform I have created. The time put into this site wouldn’t be worth much if I didn’t keep it real, raw, and unedited.

My mini break has somehow turned into a very extended break. But to be honest, I feel refreshed. Forcing myself to write because I need to, not because I want to isn’t real, raw or honest. Through all of this time I have continued to have conversation with those who reach out and even speak with/participate in a research study being done for Hemiplegic Migraines!! This is a huge step. In the three months off I’ve made good friends with a fellow spoonie. Though she lives countries away from me, we chat almost daily. This is why I blog.

While all above is true, I’m also very excited to share many of my good days and positive changes that I’ve made strides towards recently! Thank you for being understanding and supportive. This officially means I AM BACK! Now you guys can hold me to it 😉

I’ve missed you all!

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Posted in Uncategorized

My World Without Migraine

I came across this contest on the Hemiplegic Migraine foundation’s Facebook page. You’re challenged to create a unique 30 second video using the prompt, “My life without migraines”. I had to do it…I’m stuck in the hospital for a week, what else am I going to do?! I thought it was also the perfect blop post prompt, so I’m sharing it with you guys. This was my entry!
I know what my world would be like without Hemiplegic Migraines and New Daily Presistent Migraines. But does that make me lucky, or extra unlucky? Should I be thankful I got the expirences I did? Or frustrated because it’s so close I can taste it? I crave to have that freedom again. But I am thankful I have those memories to look back on. In my world without a migraine, I wouldn’t be scared, embarrassed or emotionally in shock. However, I wouldn’t be so strong, I wouldn’t be so thankful, and I wouldn’t cherish the smallest things. I would get to cheer again. I would get to rush for a sorority in the fall. I would get to go out with my friends. I would get to have a senior year, get to be 18. If I didn’t have this pesky migraine I wouldn’t be half way to my pharmacy degree(I wish!), I wouldn’t have expirenced the raw world, nor know how to handle all varities of people I have had to work with. But most importantly, in the world without a migraine, I wouldn’t have grown stronger relationships, grown truer in my faith, or become the great self-advocate I am today. I dream of a world without my right side being debilitated, without seizures, without excruciating pain. I pray for a world without Hemiplegic Migraine and all others. Unfortunately, my world has Hemiplegic Migraine and New Daily Presistent Migraine… So you can betcha I’m just gonna have to show it who’s boss!

Life Without A Migraine  <——— final video result!